He's Back

I know that many of you have been just waiting and waiting for a post about my favorite person. Luckily, your time has come.

The thriving communist powerhouse China has stepped to the plate. Now that their economy is about to level off they have made the biggest mistake they could. I mean, their communists, what do you expect? They have added a major golf tournament that it playing right now. Some would call it the HSBC Champions tournament. I call it the next playing of the Mickelslam.

Let me preface. I hate Phil Mickelson. He is my least favorite famous person in the world. My least favorite person in the world misses key blocks on trey-lefts when we are driving late in the game against Hinsdale South. There will never be anything good said about Mickelson here. If there is, it will be facetius, I promise. His wife however, she wins at life.

Mickelson is one back of the baby walrus Kevin Stadler in China. First of all, I can't believe someone gave him a temporary business visa to enter China. I mean, they are communists, but still. Remember last time when I was all over Mickelson for not playing in the BMW Championship? Well, it seems that it was the story of his life even if he did play. Tiger would have won, Phil would have talked about playing well but his chance will come, and then we would move on.

However, Phil is willing to travel to the far east to play. Last week, he got beat up by the course in Singapore. He probably flew on that new huge airplane to get there. He would need to as he needs extra seating for all of his awful comments and hair gel. Speaking of...

"I played solid throughout and didn't make a bogey," Mickelson said. "I was able to play a good round in some tough conditions starting out, although the wind died down in the end."

Thank you Dopler Mickelson. Oh, and if we want to see how many bogeys you made, we'll read your score card. Your a professional, you shouldn't make bogeys. Stop bragging. You put gel in your hair meaning you must have to make yourself feel good about something.

"I like the golf course a lot," Mickelson added. "It's very similar to what we see on tour in the U.S. The greens are putting beautifully. ... If you read them well you are going to make a lot of putts."

Really. Last I checked, there aren't any greens, except at Gettysvue CC, that roll straight all the time. Thanks for the insight on reading greens, Phil.

I never have a good thing to say about Mickelson. Nor should you. One of these days, people are going to see the side of Mickelson that I do. He tramples children. Your kids aren't safe with him around, ask any tournament staff member. One of these days, people will starting hating him as much as I do. Until that day comes, the Mickelslam will always be a regular major event.