Top 10 Inter-squad Fights You Want to See

In lieu of the Michael Barrett/Carlos Zambrano fight from Friday, I suppose I could write about the whole "Where can the Cubs go from here...What is going to save this team..." type of stuff. The answer to those questions are simple: no where and nothing.

Now that that's out of the way...let's talk about fighting. Was it entertaining to see the two go at it? Yes. Would it have been much better if HBO televised whatever happened in the clubhouse afterwards? Apparently...ask Michael Barrett's face about it. All things aside, we want to see someone go Mike Tyson on a teammate for whatever reason. It makes life more entertaining. Celebrity death-match style...but, like, real. That being said, today, we are analyzing the top 10 fantasy inter-squad duels, for your reading enjoyment.

10. Boston Red Sox - SP Daisuke Matsuzaka v. RP Hideki "Okinawa Iwo Jima" Okajima.

The chances of samurai swords and sais coming out in this bout are high. But seriously, since DICE-K's arrival in Boston, "OIJ" has been just as effective, and certainly more valuable to the Red Sox than his Asian counterpart. Boston's ROI on "OIJ" is considerably higher at $1.25 million...than whatever that number is they are paying DICE-K. P.S...Okajima could have the best billing nickname of all time.

9. Colorado Rockies - LF Matt Holliday v. 1B Todd Helton.

Remember when Helton was arguably the most dominant hitter in the National League? That award can now go to Holliday. Helton has struggled in the past 2 years while Holliday, at under a million a year, is putting up '01 Heltonesque numbers. And Helton can't produce like the olden days with another hitter like Holliday? Holliday is wondering where his $16 million is. I'm taking Holliday by TKO, round 2.

8. New York Mets - SS Jose Reyes v. OF Carlos Gomez.

This would be the most boring fight in history. So boring, that it would be entertaining. You know that Coors Light commercial with Michael Johnson when he does everything really fast like crossing the street before the light turns? That's what this bout would be. Both Reyes and Gomez are two of the fastest guys in baseball. This fight would go the decision...draw, 0-0. No punches thrown or landed for either fighter. Carlos Delgado then would come in and kick both of them around.

7. Seattle Mariners - 1B Richie Sexson v. The Rest of the Team.

If I was a Mariner, I would want my shot at Sexson. He is hitting under .200. He can't touch a baseball. He gets paid way too much. He's 6'8. Ichiro isn't. Not to mention, he is one of the ugliest players in the majors.

6. Seattle Mariners - 3B Adrian Beltre v. The Rest of the Team.

See #7.

5. Chicago White Sox - SS Juan Uribe v. 2B Tad Iguchi.

On the field, the White Sox have one of the most diverse double play tandems in baseball. That tandem is also one of the best defensively. Off the field, their talks of trying to get their countries into the WTO and debates on NAFTA leads to trouble in the clubhouse.

4. New York Yankees - 3B Alex Rodriguez v. Manager Joe Torre.

Torre had a really good thing going. His team won and the tabloids didn't really have anything to write about. They picked up A-Rod...and both aforementioned tables have turned. Yeah, he homered last night to beat the Red Sox, but you know that Torre just wants to knock A-Rod's teeth out for embarrassing his team on and off the field.

3. Chicago Cubs - C Michael Barrett v. SP Carlos Zambrano.

Everyone loves a re-match.

2. Boston Red Sox - DH David Ortiz v. CF Coco Crisp.

This is a title bout. "World's Gayest Name - Big Papi v. Coco Crisp." Big Papi takes it in a split decision...at least Coco Crisp isn't his real name. And he's not named after a cereal. I want to meet this Mrs. Crisp. She's got to be a legend...I wonder what her name is...Rice...Apple...

1. New York Yankees - 3B Alex Rodriguez v. SS Derek Jeter.

This comes as no suprise. They hate each other. Everyone hates them. The funny thing is, they love themselves so much they wouldn't want their nails to break. A-Rod learned his lesson about fighting when he tried to take on Jason Varitek. Jeter should have learned his lesson when he took on the seats down the third baseline. Either way, they both need a good kick in the junk, if they have anything down there in the first place. Who wins this fight? Everyone.