Johnny Drama Chase and David Beckham. They Just Want the 90210, Bro.

Is anyone sick of the whole "Say Hello to America" thing?

Mistake #1. "Say Hello to..." is a much appreciated line when followed by the correct finisher. "Say Hello to Heaven" is a truly great piece of music courtesy of the then unknown (not to be confused with Superunknown) and now recognized supergroup of Temple of the Dog. We all know where "Say Hello to my li ill friend" comes from.

Don't bring David Beckham in on this. If anyone knows the origin of the word "soccer" please let me know as I cannot seem to come up with it at this point in time. However, I am going to make a statement.

There is a reason that soccer if football in every other country in the world. It's because the America doesn't care about soccer. Everyone else int he world does. Most every country has also outlawed the death penalty... Do you watch soccer? I mean, as a sportsfan, I watch the championship game of the World Cup. I watched that Frog headbutt that other guy. I mean, that was cool. That's the end of it.

The MLS is basically an amateur league. All of the great players play in Europe. We can all probably name more full names of Euro teams than we can of the MLS. Man U, Real Madrid...that's all I've got. I've got the Chicago Fire...? Where's Ronaldo at? Or that other guy who is supposed to be better and has like the same name? Exactly.

So what in the world is David Beckham doing here? In America, we were all told about how great of a player he was, so we believed it not seeing him play or anything, and not caring because he plays soccer. But when the Beckham bug started to hit America, he went to play with ole Ronaldo on Real Madrid for a monster contract. Not even coming close to being the best player on his team.

Beckham mania is a worldwide phenomenon. That we have proof of. The guy is about as big as Jordan was in his prime, mainly because he plays a sport that is recognized in every country, besides America. His endorsement deals are absurd. The guy has amassed an amazing amount of wealth and fame and he's a sex symbol to women throughout the world. Probably some dudes too. So again, what is he doing in America?

I remember when I first heard of Beckham. I remember watching the interview and him saying that he wanted to take over America and become bigger than Michael Jordan. This was just before he changed his number from 9 to 23. That's not a direct quote, but something along those lines. Now in his 30's he's not the player he once was. He plays a sport that isn't a big deal here. Does he want to take on America by himself? He can't do it, no matter what he thinks. Soccer is never going to be able to compete in America. First because it's too boring for Americans and secondly, look at how big the most popular sports are. Major League Baseball, Pro Basketball, NFL, college football, college basketball...the NHL can't even make it anymore. With the demand for these sports, there isn't even enough space to air soccer on TV even if people started caring!

I just don't get it. I would like to sit down with this Beckham character and find out what exactly he is thinking. His coming to America kills his international fame, as the LA Galaxy don't really have an international backing. I understand that he and his wife Posh live a movie star lifestyle. They are, I will say, from what it seems a classy couple. Not to mention, she's a looker. But if you pulled up MSN.com yesterday, you would have seen that she's already in the news for not being friends with Paris. I don't know if the Beckhams are really looking for more attention, but they sure got plenty abroad. They didn't need to come here to do it. Their house in the 90210 can't really be better than their castle in England. Well, it was in England.

What does this all come down to? Beckham isn't relying on his athletic ability to make a difference. He's relying on his star power. This is my problem with him. If this is something that he wants to do, bring soccer to America, he needs to do it on the field. And from what I'm told, he doesn't have the game to back that anymore. He also doesn't play a sport of dominance. Let's say that Jordan wanted to bring basketball to England. He plays a sport where he can dominate, control, and inspire. Soccer players spend half of the game walking. Beckham's plan is not designed for athletic excellence. The only thing going for Beckham is that he's playing against a bunch of amateurs.

I've never really been a Beckham fan. When he said the thing about wanting to be bigger than Jordan, it really turned me off. Why? Jordan hits home with me, but Jordan never came out and said how huge he wanted to be. He came out and he played basketball to an ability that has been unmatched in sports history. With that came his fame, admiration, and respect. He did it on the court, and earned the benefits. If Beckham wants to be Jordan, he needs to prove to the world where Jordan proved his greatness. On the field of battle...not at a photo-shoot or the salon.